pensées et sentiments

I was chatting with my best friend yesterday on the phone. She's knows everything about me and been the person that is impacting my life ever since. Even though I've only known her for 3 years, the actual friendship started when I went back to church. She's the person that actually impacted my life since then, the person that helped me walk with God when I found it difficult, the person that challenged my thinking and they way that I perceive things. Initially I was skeptical about going back to her cellgroup because of pride and what had happened in the past, but as I begin to see and commit myself to be part of that life in the cellgroup. Those unreasonable thoughts and fear begin to fade away. I begin learning things and from such a great leader/friend, I begin to walk out of depression, fear and something that I've held dearly for the past 9 years. Having told her that I was in love with someone who told me to wait for him, and I felt stupid waiting for something without an answer. I cried my heart out that day after having told her. There were lots of depressed thoughts, feelings, resentment and hatred towards that person. I often thought that I wasn't good enough that's why he forgotten about what he had said. Many things have indeed happened these few months and I felt that I've changed and matured both spiritually and mentally. Somehow I've grown tired waiting, that's what I told God. I told Him to take those hurtful thoughts away and for me not to love that person anymore. Those feelings, eventually went away and now even if I see that person again, I don't feel my heart towards him anymore. I feel that he is just a good friend of mine and would never be a person that I would choose to be a spouse. Recently, I've heard that he has someone in mind that he likes and would like to consider to go into a relationship with that person. Wow, I feel happy for him. Really, that's from the bottom of my heart. It's difficult initially to move on but with God and good friends around, I've somehow learnt to let go of that past. Now is a brand new life, brand new people that I meet everyday and I am definitely open to new options. =) I feel extremely happy having a relieved heart and that all the burdens somehow fade away. I have learnt how to look at things, disappointments, facing it with a whole new attitude in life.

The fact that I got drunk that day when we were out partying with the whole department was because I couldn't come to terms with my own feelings. I was quite depressed actually because of an unreciprocated love that wasn't meant to be mine, but I was not ready to let go. I've been stupid once and I won't be stupid again. I think I am happy being single now, having not relationship commitments or a heart that is committed one sidedly.