pensées et sentiments

1 and half hours to go but i really no mood to work sia....

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wah...kena from her again... sian. Do also die, don't do also die...whichever way sia... hahahahahaha...

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Haha...this is the attitude of me when I work recently. It's like they always arrow me. Maybe because I'm easily bullied with that kinda blur face. But I think my blur attitude sometimes pisses some people off. Even though being called "stupid" or "useless" is the common words that she uses, but I think it's ok. She will get what she sows in the future. There's no point arguing what is right and wrong, just do what is right in my eyes. As long as it doesn't go againt my values and conscience, I think it's ok. Even if I do already still "die" in her hands, I am happy, coz I've done the right thing in my perspective. Recently, I'm confused coz what people say don't tally with their actions, therefore it's still better to believe in myself or rather those that I am close to in the office. Thanks gals for all the support and covering of my buttocks when I kena arrowed. Actually I wanna thank "tew bao" for all his help too!! Without their help, I think I am still very blur in my job. I am already trying my best to do what I can, just need more time to pick up what is needed to fill into the shoes of the position. Think if in the future if I happen to be offered a better position, I don't know how to root myself away from those that I am so glued to in the office and leave the office for that job. No matter what I am so happy to have known these wonderful people, who's jokes I am never tired of. Money or environment? These 2 never go together in a job. It's either good money, lousy environment or good environment, lousy pay. Right now, I am telling myself that it's ok to be arrowed at coz I learnt things every single day. Learning things the hard way I guess. I make mistakes but these mistakes are ones that make me learnt things to it's fullest potential. I will not argue or fight back as these are not my concern right now. It's the potential of the next job that I am applying for, just building up my portfolio for the future I guess. I think if I happen to tender, it's those few people that I am close with that I will deeply miss. =)

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I feel so lazy today.... nearly kena arrowed by someone but today she seems to be in a good mood, so I've escaped. If it's during those seasons that she's in a bad mood, then ho seh liao... I'm dead. Nvm...been "dead" lots of times already, I'm like a cat with more than 9 lives.... =P

Today is a day of slapping and biting too...kena bitten and slapped lots of times by those 2 siao char bors. But nevertheless, they are still my best buddies, that's y it's ok for them to bite or slap me. Hahahahahahaa....

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It's friday!!! The thing is...time really flies man....and it's getting nearer and nearer to our bkk trip!!! Its one thing that I constantly look forward to sia...wonder what kinda silly, crazy things we will do there man. Think the whole trip we will be shopping, eating and taking photos like crazy babes on the loose... but definitely will be an enjoyment as I am out with my beloved MCS gals.. those that are my best buddies!!!

And that xiao long bao, pls don't anyhow suffocate ppl with your cho cho bao bao.... no biting ppl or slapping ppl... hahahahahahaha....

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To my delicious xiao long bao, I really miss you these days. No one talking or biting this char siew bao. :P Your Ultimate Ye Zhi Mei Bao also missing you already. KNS, call yourself what "ultimate" ye zhi mei bao!!!! So I shall call myself the "Xiang Xiang" Char Siew Bao coz I put perfume today. *Toot* Sounds nice right? Xiao Long bao, I wanted to draw some cartoons on xiao long bao on the plane with the Da Bao and Char Siew Bao crying below, but I realised that I don't know how to draw a bao. Haha* Shi Bai! But Shi Bai Shi Cheng Gong Zhi Mu (See, my chinese improved big time). I am no longer a jia kang tang one already!!! Now I the Char Siew Bao, must guud lat abit so that when xiao long bao comes back, she no need to vomit blood when she realised that I didn't do anything. Hahahahahaa.... *muacks to my beloved baos* I love you!!!!

*bite* Hehehehe...*evil*

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I was chatting with my best friend yesterday on the phone. She's knows everything about me and been the person that is impacting my life ever since. Even though I've only known her for 3 years, the actual friendship started when I went back to church. She's the person that actually impacted my life since then, the person that helped me walk with God when I found it difficult, the person that challenged my thinking and they way that I perceive things. Initially I was skeptical about going back to her cellgroup because of pride and what had happened in the past, but as I begin to see and commit myself to be part of that life in the cellgroup. Those unreasonable thoughts and fear begin to fade away. I begin learning things and from such a great leader/friend, I begin to walk out of depression, fear and something that I've held dearly for the past 9 years. Having told her that I was in love with someone who told me to wait for him, and I felt stupid waiting for something without an answer. I cried my heart out that day after having told her. There were lots of depressed thoughts, feelings, resentment and hatred towards that person. I often thought that I wasn't good enough that's why he forgotten about what he had said. Many things have indeed happened these few months and I felt that I've changed and matured both spiritually and mentally. Somehow I've grown tired waiting, that's what I told God. I told Him to take those hurtful thoughts away and for me not to love that person anymore. Those feelings, eventually went away and now even if I see that person again, I don't feel my heart towards him anymore. I feel that he is just a good friend of mine and would never be a person that I would choose to be a spouse. Recently, I've heard that he has someone in mind that he likes and would like to consider to go into a relationship with that person. Wow, I feel happy for him. Really, that's from the bottom of my heart. It's difficult initially to move on but with God and good friends around, I've somehow learnt to let go of that past. Now is a brand new life, brand new people that I meet everyday and I am definitely open to new options. =) I feel extremely happy having a relieved heart and that all the burdens somehow fade away. I have learnt how to look at things, disappointments, facing it with a whole new attitude in life.

The fact that I got drunk that day when we were out partying with the whole department was because I couldn't come to terms with my own feelings. I was quite depressed actually because of an unreciprocated love that wasn't meant to be mine, but I was not ready to let go. I've been stupid once and I won't be stupid again. I think I am happy being single now, having not relationship commitments or a heart that is committed one sidedly.

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